6 Reasons Why It's Impossible To Please All Your Students

“You cannot live to please everyone else. You have to edify, educate, and fulfill your own dreams and destiny and hope that whatever your art is that you’re putting out there, if it’s received, great, I respect you for receiving it. If it’s not received, great, I respect you for not.” — Octavia Spencer

WHY DO WE TRY TO PLEASE EVERYONE?

The answer to this question is simple. We want to feel loved and we don’t want to feel rejected. It’s quite common for yoga teachers to believe that the key to being liked and accepted by their students is to always try to please everyone. It’s only natural that we would want the approval of others. If you struggle with perfectionism, then you know that in the midst of chasing perfection, you’re also chasing the validation of others. Instead of making decisions based on what we feel is right, we sometimes make decisions based on what we think will make other people happy. Maybe we are pressured by the studio we teach at to get as many 5 star reviews as we can for that studio, so we water ourselves down and dim our light because we love our job and we definitely don’t want our job taken away over a three star review. There are many reasons why we bend over backwards attempting to please every person that walks into our class.

This was a VERY tough concept for me to grasp when I initially started teaching yoga. I wanted to please everyone. I wanted all the five star ClassPass reviews. I wanted to be the teacher that everyone loved. This thought process is almost a yoga teacher’s right of passage, because I think we have ALL either gone through this phase or will go through this phase if we are new to teaching until we truly find our voice. When I first learned to teach yoga, my initial teacher unfortunately instilled that there is “right” kind of music to play, and there is the “right” thing to wear, and there is the “right” style of teaching, and a “right” type of lifestyle to uphold.

It took years, and also studying under different teachers, to learn that this method of thinking is not only incorrect, but it’s harmful. We shouldn’t be taught to try to appease to the masses. I so badly wish I had a mentor early on tell me that it is okay to not please 100% of your students, and it has nothing to do with you as a teacher, but instead on the individuality of human beings. You can go out of your way to lie down for people to walk on you, and some will still complain that you are not flat enough. So here I am here telling you: Do not try to please everyone. You just can’t do it, and you’ll drive yourself crazy trying to.

Here are 6 reasons why it is downright impossible to please all of your students:

1. EVERYONE is uniquely different.

   “You can be the ripest juiciest peach in the world, but there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” — Dita Von Teese

   Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but not everyone who steps into your class is going to like it. The good news is that it’s okay! It is crucial to understand that you cannot and absolutely will not please every single student that takes your class. It’s not possible.

   There are 7.8 billion people on this planet, and if every human on Earth thought the same, behaved the same, and felt the same way— then we would all be a bunch of robots. Because of this individuality, we have different opinions, preferences, and perceptions about ourselves, others, and the world. But because of this, we will also encounter students who for one reason or another just don’t favor our classes, and that is okay!

   I know it is easier said than done, but we can’t take things too personally.

2. You are challenging your students to step out of their comfort zones.

   “Live your life, live it right. Be different, do different things.” — Kendrick Lamar

   Human beings are wired to stay within their zones of comfort. Anything that challenges these comfort zones creates uncertainty, and uncertainty makes us feel anxious. So naturally, we want to avoid these unpleasant feelings.

   Let’s say that you are a yoga teacher in a bigger city. Your classes are consistently sold out, you’ve had the opportunity to learn from some of the best teachers, you’ve been trained to study movement as a science, you see other teachers lean into newer teaching methods, you go to studios who offer many different class formats, you stay up to date with the literature, and all of this is reflected in your teaching. At the end of the day, you feel really good about yourself as a yoga teacher.

   But then you decide to move to a smaller city and notice that the yoga classes in this new city are very different. The sequences aren’t the most functional, the transitions don’t make sense, all the teachers teach very similarly, the poses aren’t being taught effectively, etc. Well you decide to start teaching at a studio in this smaller city anyway, because you know you have so much to offer these students! You are so excited to show these students a different way of practicing yoga, but the students aren’t gravitating toward your classes the way they were back in that larger city.

   Instead of waitlisted classes as you were used to, you’re actually getting reviews like, “This isn’t vinyasa” or “Not for me,” or “This is not a yoga class, this is something different,” which leaves you bummed and wondering what you’re doing wrong. You know that you’re a good teacher, but you are beginning to doubt your abilities. You catch yourself analyzing these negative reviews and feeling badly about yourself because you just want to be liked and accepted.

   I am here to remind you that teaching in a novel way doesn’t mean that your classes are bad, it just means that you’re challenging these students’ thoughts of what “yoga” should be.

   What you don’t realize is that people don’t like to try new things. They don’t want to look stupid or incompetent. They don’t see the need for change. They don’t like being told that there might be a better way of doing something. They’re stuck in their comfort zones and they don’t want to leave. Is that your fault? No, because you are not their psychologist, you are their yoga teacher. You are introducing these students to something new and perhaps something better. Ignorance is a curse, but it can also be a blessing, because there’s nothing particularly like learning something new, expanding your horizons, and opening your eyes to something you probably didn’t even know existed then. Plus the local yoga scene probably needed a little disruption anyway. Keep it up!

3. Right and wrong can be subjective.

   “Sometimes I’m very impatient. I also feel the need to please everyone, which is unnecessary and impossible.” — Steve Nash

   I’m not talking about morals or legality here, but what I mean is that right and wrong can be subjective and not always agreed upon. What’s right in one person’s mind could be wrong in another person’s mind. This goes back to the first point, that we are all different and unique. There’s not a set way of doing every single thing in life or in your class that’s always the “right” way.

   I’ve encountered subjective feedback a countless number of times in my career, in fact majority of student feedback is typically subjective, so I thought I would share a few examples of this. I once received two different reviews, for the same class, that were complete opposites, “That class was too hard” and “That class was too easy.” In another studio, we would often receive contradictory reviews such as, “The room is too hot” and “The room wasn’t hot enough.”

   Here’s another one I hear quite often, “The teacher talked too much,” but in the exact same class another expressed, “I’m brand new to yoga and the teacher gave the best cues and made the class very easy to follow. Will definitely be back.” Another common one, “That music was way too loud and distracting” when another student raved that “the playlist was fire, LFG!!” And just for the sake of subjectivity, here’s one more: “I loved how she made yoga philosophy easy to understand” and from another student, “She’s dumbing down yoga.” It’s easy to see that you cannot please everyone.

   With subjective criticism, you have to let it roll off your back. It says absolutely nothing about who you are as a teacher. If you want to blast hip hop music because you love it, then chances are there will be others that will also appreciate you for doing that. Stay true to who you are, and the right students will find you.

4. People are going to talk, because that’s what people do.

   “In the end they’ll judge me anyway, so whatever.” — Kid Cudi

   Everyone has an opinion about something, but opinions are not facts. Opinions are not a be-all or an end-all. The nature of humanity is to talk, and the one’s who have something negative to say are typically the ones with the loudest voices. It is a fact that consumers are more inclined to write negative reviews than positive ones. It’s not the student who loves your class and takes it week after week leaving you the reviews, it’s the person who took it once with the strongest opinion.

   This is because our brain handles positive experiences in one hemisphere and negative experiences in the other. As a result of this separate treatment, negative emotions are processed more thoroughly than positive emotions. We also tend to use stronger words to describe our negative emotions, which in turn makes them seem more dramatic and urgent than our positive emotions.

   Psychologically, people create visible identities of themselves by being associated with strong opinions. It’s like being given a name that we can be identified with. People also love to be seen as “subject matter experts” by having strong opinions and defending it even more strongly. They take one vinyasa class or practice with one teacher and all of a sudden they’re an expert and think they know everything about what Vinyasa Yoga should be like. Sometimes writing a review is a way for consumers to stroke their ego, show-off expertise, or feel knowledgeable about a topic.

   But perhaps having such a strong opinion about something leaves you with a mind that is closed. Maybe it even leaves you in a fixed and permanent position. I had a teacher once explain that “the secret to meditation is to always remember that anything you think is right could be wrong, and anything you think is wrong could be right. Never assume anything and always be prepared to give up everything you ever believed in. Nothing is ever certain, so keep an open mind.”

   Students will talk about you, praise you, and criticize you. At the end of the day it’s only an opinion. Don’t get attached to the negative opinions. Don’t get attached to the positive ones either.

5. People thrive off of HATE AND negativity.

   “Haters will broadcast your failure but whisper your success.” — Drake

   It’s way easier to hate on someone rather than support them. People root for the underdog. They love to see those at the top come crashing down. It’s unfortunate, but many people don’t like seeing others succeed. So it should be no surprise that in everything you do, people are going to judge and critique you, especially if you’re confident in who you are and you’re out there killing it. People will tear you down on your way to success because your success makes it feel as if THEY are lacking. Everyone has a crowd of non-fans.

   Maybe someone dislikes your class not because of what you taught that day or how you taught it, but because they’re envious of your position. Perhaps they tried to apply for that same job and were turned down. Maybe they’re stuck teaching at a studio they’re unhappy with, so by leaving you a negative review on ClassPass it makes them feel better about themselves. Perhaps a student is so unhappy with their own non-yoga related job that to see someone else thriving in their career is upsetting to them. In fact, there was a study conducted about why people chose to leave negative feedback, and it explained that 13.5 percent of people who leave negative feedback reviews solely just want to hurt your reputation. Another study said that number was even higher at a whopping 20 percent. Ouch.

   For some twisted reasoning, people get off on seeing others fail. It’s unfortunate but it’s true. People are hurting in the world and they want to see others hurt too. Again, you can’t take it personally.

6. You trigger them.

   “My philosophy is: It’s none of my business what people say of me and think of me. I am what I am, and I do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. And it makes life so much easier.” — Anthony Hopkins

   I once had a student leave a review stating that she didn’t like my class because I was too happy. Yes, you read that right. She didn’t like that I was too happy! My happiness triggered this particular student, and some one may not like you or your classes because it triggers them as well.

   The psychology behind feeling triggered is that your students may have experienced a trauma that caused them to feel a certain way, and you as a teacher are bringing up those exact feelings. For instance, perhaps you have a very commanding presence in the room, but one of your students dislikes being told what to do because he or she was raised in a very authoritarian household, and being told what to do makes them feel small or belittled. So a militant teaching style may be triggering for that individual. If an individual experiences a heightened emotional response, they will tend to leave negative feedback, even if it has nothing to do with your skills as a teacher.

   Beliefs about ourselves can make us vulnerable to being triggered by the words, behavior, and appearance of others. Perhaps a student lacks self-confidence and when he or she steps into your class, your confidence triggers them. Or maybe as a child your student was labeled as “dumb,” and when they took your class they couldn’t understand some of the anatomical words you chose to use, and they felt those feelings all over again. Maybe you resemble their mother in which they have a strained relationship with. Students may be triggered by the way that you look, the clothes that you wear, your age, your confidence, your intellect, your gender, your weight, and I can go on and on and on.

   Triggers reflect their insecurities and have nothing to do with you as a teacher. It’s not your job to know or understand what triggers your students. Again, you are not their psychologist, you are their yoga teacher. Even the person who likes you the most may get offended by you sometimes.

   WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER TRY TO PLEASE EVERYONE.

   “I’d rather be happy being myself than sad trying to please everyone else.” — J.Cole

   When we attempt to please everyone, we are sacrificing who we truly are. We lose ourselves, we lose our identity, we lose our values, and we live a life of conformity, trying to adapt to the will of others who pressure us into doing things that please them rather than what feels authentic to us. We stop taking into account our own ideas or opinions and we try to conform and adapt to the opinions of others. Unknowingly, we start chasing their dream, not ours.

   For me, it always goes back to the question, “Why do I teach yoga?” As long as I am honoring this intention, then I am doing my job to the best of my ability. Not every single student has to agree with your intention for teaching or why you choose to hold classes the way that you do. Not everyone is going to understand you, or like you, or agree with you, and that’s okay. If you try too hard to please everyone, you aren’t living according to your own personal values. You’re more concerned about doing what others want of you. This will start to show in your teaching because your intention will become watered down or lost altogether.

   What’s important is that you do you. Being a “yes" man is exhausting. It’s hard work to pretend to be someone you’re not. It’s easy to be you. When you try so hard to be like someone else, your classes will feel draining and unenjoyable. When you teach from a place of pure authenticity, it feels as if a weight has been lifted. You look forward to teaching your students, and it doesn’t bother you if a student doesn’t resonate with your teaching style.

   If you are currently struggling with trying to please every single person that walks into your class, I want you to try a little challenge. At the end of your classes, throw in a, “Hope to see you guys next week, and if this class doesn’t resonate with you that’s cool, there are lots of other teachers out there!” Stay true to you.